Wallflowers Unite

Alone.  Lonely.  To reveal you’re either, for some bizarre reason I’ve never understood, is taboo in our society.  Put them in a different perspective, and it’s in these moments that treasures can be found.

The bigger the crowd, the lonelier I sometimes feel.  Some people go to a party and the moment they arrive they’re enthusiastic attitude resonates “I’m here!  Let’s get this party started!”  I, in contrast, feel so vulnerable.  Like a wallflower.  Who will I talk to?  Will anyone talk to me?

When I was around 12 years old, my enormous family had a gigantic family reunion.  I was having a rough go of it.  The minutes ticked like hours.  I ached with that internal crumbling feeling.  Wandering, I locked eyes with a girl about my age sitting alone. I walked over to her and struck up a conversation.  “Jody” and I have been best friends ever since.  We’ve shared decades of life events, good and not so good.  Over the years we’ve lived hundreds of miles apart.  Today we’re within five minutes of each other and although distance doesn’t separate us, our busy lives do.  But anytime we’re together — like today when we met for lunch, we have a knack for picking up right where we left off.

Another time, when I was 30-something, I was headed to a professional meeting of graphic designers, writers, etc., where I wouldn’t know a soul.  Beforehand, that dreaded solemn wave of distress overcame me.  I went and entered a roomful of people.  Who will I talk to?  Will anyone talk to me?  I noticed a woman standing alone and introduced myself.  “Rhonda” and I became close friends and unofficial business partners.  We clicked on a personal level instantly and our professional work together became award-winning.  Both continue to this very today.

I guess the lesson here is that when we feel alone or lonely, it can be a good thing.

“Everlasting Matrimony” book
(click on book)

Get Along Better provides you relationship “tips” with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice from“real-life experts” are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  Makes an excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!

Davy Jones Busted My Eyeglasses

Life’s lows tend to lodge forever in our memory.  And their silver linings, too.

The sadness of Davy Jones’ passing yesterday at 66 years-young regresses me back to the age of 12 when I went to a Monkees concert.  It was exciting and miserable all at the same time.

I’ve worn eyeglasses since age 9.

Days before the concert, when I was going through the critical process of deciding exactly what Davy would like me to wear I sat on my bed.  Crunch.  I got up.  I had sat on my eyeglasses and busted them in half, right on the nose piece.  I could have died on the spot!  In those days there was no such thing as one-hour eyeglass stores.  So I duct-taped the two pieces together.

I went to the concert with those duct-taped eyeglasses, but never took them out of my purse.  Our (my Monkees-addicted sister and her equally crazed girlfriend in their Twiggy paper mini-dresses and me) seats were about a mile away from the concert stage.  I screamed like all 25,000 other girls, but I couldn’t see a damn thing!

Fast forward to about five years ago, Davy Jones was appearing in concert, solo at Epcot’s International Flower & Garden Festival.  (Stop laughing!)  I was there, within an arm’s length of the miniscule (in comparison to that of four decades ago) stage.  Along with a small crowd of baby boomers and their kids.  When Davy came out, we women swooned.  The kids pretty much sat still with blank faces; you could tell each was thinking “What the hell has gotten into my Mom?”  It was an every-minute-was-worth-waiting-for experience.

Yesterday, Davy “took the last train to Clarksville.”

“Everlasting Matrimony” book
(click on book)

Get Along Better provides you relationship “tips” with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice from“real-life experts” are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  Makes an excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!

Somebody Made the Fish Smell & It Sure Wasn’t Me

“I’m right,” he said.  “No, I’m right,” I said.

 A few weeks ago I bought some fresh salmon at Costco.  We have an extra refrigerator-freezer in our garage.  When I got home, I put the salmon in the garage refrigerator until I could get to it to cut it into slices and freeze it; salmon comes in a long slab.  I’m the only one in my household who eats salmon, so that’s why I portion it before freezing.  I put a note on the kitchen counter to remind myself to do this.  And the next day I did.  When I slice salmon, I put each slice into a small zipper baggie, and then all the small baggies go into one big zipper baggie, and the big baggie goes into the garage freezer.  This helps prevent any fish smell.

Several days later, my hubbie also went to Costco to buy “his” fish.  I’m not sure what it is.  It’s something white, I think either cod or haddock, and it comes in individual pieces.  What I do know is it stinks.  I can’t even stand putting my hands on it because then my hands smell and the odor is atrocious and it’s hard to wash off.  Anyway, when he got home with his purchase I wasn’t home.  He wrapped the individual pieces of his fish in plastic wrap and put them all into one big baggie and put the big baggie in the garage freezer.

The next day or so I noticed that both the refrigerator and freezer compartments had a horrible stench when I opened them.  I looked to see if there was something moldy.  Nothing.  A few days went by and then I noticed his package of fish in the freezer.  I opened it and…whewee!!!!!!!   I decided that the plastic wrap was the problem and I rewrapped every piece, placing each into a small baggie first.  Like I had done “mine.”

A day went by, and the smell diminished significantly but it was still there somewhat.  I guess “his” fish smell lingered.

A few days later I nicely mentioned the problem to my husband.  He said to me, “You know, I noticed the fishy smell, too.  But, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.  The smell was due to your leaving your salmon in the refrigerator overnight before freezing it.”  I said, “No, you’re wrong.  I had frozen the salmon long before the stink occurred.”  So then we started the ridiculous banter that couples do:

“I’m right.”

 “No, I’m right.”

And we’re off and runnnnnnnnnnnnning!

One thing I learned when I interviewed 75 couples married 50+ years to write my book, Everlasting Matrimony, is different ways to end an argument.  One good way is to just shut off the faucet.  And that’s what I did.  He was the last one to say, “I’m right.”

It was over.   (But I do know I’m right!)

“Everlasting Matrimony” book
(click on book)

Get Along Better provides you relationship “tips” with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice from “real-life experts” are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  Makes an excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!

21 or a Granny?

First I was high, then I sunk to rock-bottom low. 

“Be careful what you say and who you say it to,” every Mom warns her kids.

I have an unusual grey streak in my bangs that’s very vivid when my hair is parted on the right.  Overall, my hair is salt-and-pepper; mostly pepper.

Not me.

Last weekend, I meandered around a local art show with my hair parted on the left.  There were some vendor tables, and a woman from a home design company approached me.   “Are you 21?” she asked, seeking people to sign up for her giveaway.  I looked around and then realized she was talking to me.  “21,” I thought.  “Damn, I must look really good today!”  (I’m turning 55 this year.)

On Thursday, I got my haircut.  My stylist parted it on the right.  Grey streak was dramatically visible.  I went to Publix grocery store afterward to grab a few items.  I used my UPromise card at the check-out register, which deposits a little money into a college savings account.  The cashier sweetly asked me, “Is this for your granddaughter?”  My knees buckled.  I could barely find enough breath to correct her judgment.

The unintended insult brought back a sore-spot memory.  In the 1980’s, I was at a professional conference and sat in the front row.  A young woman sat to my right.  With gusto, the keynote speaker welcomed his enormous and captive audience.  Then, with even more gusto he zoomed in on the woman next to me and remarked, “I’ve never had a pregnant woman in any of my audiences.”  The woman wasn’t pregnant!  I’ll never forget how bad I felt for her.

“Everlasting Matrimony” book
(click on book)

Get Along Better provides you relationship “tips” with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice from “real-life experts” are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  Makes an excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!

80 Candles

Mom and her 3 girls at 80th birthday celebration.

Our matriarch turned a “young” 80 this past December.  Take a look at the family photograph to the right: 2 are cancer survivors.  2 have Crohn’s.  1 has scoliosis.  1 battles depression. 1 lost a spouse to cancer, and within 6 months 1 lost a sister to cancer.  2 are widows.  2 have IBS.  Other losses, sorrows and disappointments over the years have been, well, more than we care to count.

Falling (More) In Love At WalMart

During a recent trek at Wal-Mart, a man with an equally long list of “Things To Buy” stopped me.  “Excuse me, miss, can you tell me what these are?” he asked, pointing to the words on his list “knee-high or trouser socks.”  He explained that his wife had asked him to buy some for her.  I was quite taken by his steadfastness to find exactly what she wanted.  It would have been sooooooooooo much easier for him to have scowled at her, “Are you crazy?  I have no idea what knee-high or trouser socks are.  Go buy them yourself!**!@!!”  How foolish he could have felt.

The conversation between this man and I continued with me pulling up one of my pant legs to show him what he was looking for.  Then I walked him over to the hosiery department and showed him where the knee-highs were.  And, I pointed out the package of 5 for the best deal at $6.  He was kind and appreciative; I just wanted him to make his wife happy.

Consider the delight this man felt when he got home and showed his wife exactly the right thing!  And how do you think his wife felt knowing her husband went the extra, extra mile for her.  I can only imagine the ripple effect of his WalMart purchase: “You won’t believe what my husband did for me today,” the wife bragged to her girlfriends.  With envy, the girlfriends corraled, “Girl, what?  Your husband did THAT for you?”  The wife beamed knowing what a special man she has.

“Everlasting Matrimony” book
(click on book)

Get Along Better provides you relationship “tips” with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice from “real-life experts” are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  Makes an excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!

In The Bathroom

In every relationship, whether it’s with a friend, partner or spouse, there’s risk of lack of communication.  And when communication foibles occur, we tend to think “she/he said ‘xyz’ which really hurt my feelings.”  Then, in our minds, we go into a tailspin with all kinds of negative stuff.  However, many miscommunications occur over what wasn’t said because we fill-in-the-blanks with assumptions.  These assumptions are often the catalyst for trouble – arguments, disagreements, and misconceptions that can send negative currents through the relationship if not addressed.

I first met my husband-to-be at a party given by mutual friends.  After we talked for a few minutes, he said “Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom.”  And he left.  I assumed he was rejecting me.  I had experienced many snubs in my dating years, but this was the lowest of the low.  “Gotta go pee, see ya.  Have a nice life!” was my interpretation.  It crossed my mind to leave the party, but (luckily) I decided to go mingle with others.  About 10 minutes later, he found me and said, “Where did you go?  I’ve been looking for you.”  The rest is history, 22 years and counting.

Recently, I spoke with my mom via phone.  We have a great mom-daughter-friend relationship.  Or so I thought.  My dad passed away a number of years ago, and mom is dating a fine gentleman now.   When I called her on this particular morning, she was abrupt and her tone seemed very hurried.  I presumed it was because she was in a rush to get dressed to go out with her gentleman friend, and it hurt me that she couldn’t spare a few minutes to chat with me.  As mom quickly ended the conversation, I snuck in “You seem like you’re in a hurry.  Are you going out with Marvin?”  Her answer: “No, I have to go to the bathroom!”

The moral is, when you’re upset with someone, consider whether you’re jumping to conclusions too quickly.  Perhaps pieces of information are missing or the interpretation, the spin you’re putting on the situation may be out of kilter with reality.  Subsequently, your anger, hurt, unhappiness, disappointment, or dissatisfaction may be unjustified.  Perhaps, as in my examples, the person “at fault” is simply “in the bathroom”!

“Everlasting Matrimony” book
(click on book)

Get Along Better provides you relationship “tips” with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice from “real-life experts” are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  Makes an excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!