Avoid Tempers And Tantrums Around The Turkey

[Cut out article, copy for your friends, post on your refrigerator.]

Ready.  Aim.  Fire!  As the holiday season kicks into high gear, tensions inevitably mount in most loving relationships.  The pressures of family feasts, party roulette, shopping marathons, and obligation overload are enough to make even the best turkey dressing come unglued and ham glaze gummy.  (Historically, January is the months with the highest divorce rate.)  Whether you’re single or married or somewhere in-between, lessons learned by long-married couples who’ve endured decades of holiday stress can help you, your mate, family, and friends keep tantrums and tempers silenced:

Love the one you’re with.  There are so many fine looking men and women attending holiday get-togethers.  Everybody is bubbly happy.  Everyone looks their best.  These observations can magnify the challenges, problems, and issues you and your spouse, partner, or significant other are dealing with on the home-front.  Are you missing something?  Don’t be fooled by all this razzmatazz.  99% of the time the grass is greenest under your own feet.  Instead of wallowing, turn the energy spent in doubt into energy devoted to rekindling the love between you and your loved one(s).

Ignore the braggers (and don’t try to one-up them).  Holiday get-togethers compel people to brag about their gains and make you feel miserable about your life.  People brag about their children’s trophies, their travels to Peru, their stock market gains, their knee replacement, their frequent flyer points, and on and on and on.  With the realization that your list is a lot shorter, you may think: What am I doing wrong?  Or you may gaze into your mate’s eyes and wonder: What are we doing wrong?  The answer: Absolutely nothing.  Whether your accomplishments for 2012 equal 1 or 100, give yourself a big pat on the back.

Does this make me look fat?: It’s the dreaded question guys hate most from ladies, and this is the time of year the ringing echoes.  So many parties.  So many outfits.  So many decisions.  Ladies, don’t ask.  And gentlemen, should they dare, don’t risk ruining the evening (and perhaps the entire next week).  The “correct” answer is to not answer.  A safe, generic response is “Honey, you always look beautiful to me.”  Besides, deep down, every woman knows where her curves should and shouldn’t be.

Never comment about anyone’s weight gain or irritating kids.  If the people are present, you’re stepping on a land mine.  If the people aren’t present, you can be sure the words will somehow very mysteriously get back to them.  These two topics are off the menu unless you want to start World War III.

Never, ever, miss a good chance to shut up.  The venom is certain to come out during family feasts, celebrations with co-workers, and happy hours with friends.  Remember, every comment doesn’t need a retort.  Every issue doesn’t need another opinion.  Speak up when it’s important, and keep your lips zipped when it isn’t.  What you don’t say is often as important as what you do say.

Hug and squeeze, aim to please.  The holiday pace is frenetic and it’s easy to lose your mate and other loved ones in the shuffle.  In the midst of the chaos, don’t forget to nurture relationships.  Everyone can use an occasional hearty hug.  If you’re a couple, discipline yourselves to block out time for each other, just as you do for everyone else.  Actions can be as low key as calling or text messaging to simply say “I’m thinking about you” or taking a 15 minute after-dinner walk together.

Bundling: Here are a few more time-tested relationship tips…Repel little mishaps and misunderstandings with laughter; sprinkle compliments throughout the day; and concentrate on the things you can change and don’t try to fix things you can’t.

These time-tested proven tips will help provide relationship resilience over the next several weeks.  Put them into practice to insure that long after the leftovers are gone, your relationships are still in tact.

Get Along Better provides you relationship tips with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  An excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!

4 Relationship Tips As Spooky As Halloween

I vividly remember three Halloweens.  One, as a kid, I was a bit obsessed with organization.  My neighborhood had many curvy streets.  I always wanted my younger sister to be happy.  So, one year I slaved over mapping out a route to assure she got gobs of candy during our trick or treat time.  Two, still a kid, I went trick or treating with a friend, and there was a house with no lights on outside but we could see lights on inside.  Our neighborhood was always safe, so we made a joint decision to ring the doorbell.  A woman gave us big handfuls of candy, which thrilled us.  When we got home and went through our bags of loot, we realized she had dumped trash in our bags.  Three, as an adult, one year my husband dressed as Dracula and sat outside our front door stone-cold until kids approached him…at which time he bellowed out his vampire howl and scared the bajeezus out of them.  The shenanigans didn’t end there.  The kids had to “earn” their candy by putting their hands into holes carved into a box and feeling the unknown goo.  One smarty-pants said, “That’s pasghetti!”  Mr. and Mrs. Dracula got a mighty big chuckle.

Halloween celebration, much like our relationship with the one we love, is full of ups and downs.  As you contemplate which bags of candy to buy for your trick-or-treaters this year, give some thought to these spooky Halloween-related relationship tips:

1. Don’t be fearful of ghost and goblins.  The aura of Halloween is scary.  Although creepy things may happen and frightening things pop out in the night, trick-or-treaters keep their eye on the goal — candy.  Relationships can be fearful, too.  “Ghosts” are unforeseen challenges.  “Goblins” are annoyances that bother you about your partner.  Life is full of curve balls, good and bad.  And your partner’s irksome habits will always annoy you.  These are some of the bumps in every relationship.  The important part is to deal with them as a couple, and by doing so you will reap the “candy,” the delicious rewards of being together.
2. Wear a costume only for risqué fun together.  On Halloween it’s tradition to dress up as some other character.  This concept doesn’t work in a loving relationship.  You have to show up as yourself.  100% authentic.  100% honest.  When one or both parties pretend to be someone they’re not – “wear a costume” – the relationship is doomed to failure.  As hard as you may try to sustain the falseness or withhold guilt, sooner or later it will seep out in destructive ways.  If you want a great relationship, and to make it even greater, reserve the costume for sexual play!
3. You’ve got to howl.  The epic soundtrack of Halloween is the howling of wolves, a wonderous song heard through the darkness.  Have you ever observed or seen film footage of a wolf howling?  Their entire being is engaged.  Their focus intense.  Every sense participates.  For humans, these same traits are the essence of a meaningful relationship.  Full engagement requires drawing from deep within your soul, opening yourself to feel without boundaries, living with intensity, and allowing complete vulnerability.
4. Avoid the vampire that wants to suck your blood.  Ah, seduction, temptation, manipulation, and power.  They are all the “vampire” of love.  Your relationship will be threatened by intruders, people and circumstances they will make you ponder, “Should I stay?”  These moments can either destroy or strengthen your relationship.  You must consciously decide whether it’s worth the risk, worth putting all you have built together in jeopardy.  Can’t decide?  Remember: The grass is usually greenest under your own two feet.

Get Along Better provides you relationship tips with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  An excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!

End Of NFL Referee Strike Good For Marriages

Courtesy of Reuters

Now that the referee strike is over and football season kicks into high gear, it’s normally the time condolences are extended to football widows across America.  However, instead of wallowing in loneliness, it’s the prime season for wives to revitalize their marriage.

Wives have 50% of the power in a marriage and ‘alone’ time is one of the best times to take steps to improve the relationship.  This isn’t about putting on a sexy negligée and trying to distract your husband in-between touchdowns.  Instead, wives need to seize the opportunity football season provides to make points in ways that will enhance the relationship over the long term.

5 Marriage Tips For Football Widows

1. Get your own life.  Develop your own personal interests.  Long-married, happy couples say that having both independent and interdependent interests keeps the relationship lively.
2. Fill the refrigerator/freezer with delicious, healthy food.  There’s truth to the saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”  A husband adores a wife who looks out for his appetite and well being.
3. Send an “I love you” text when his team makes a touchdown.  Get a group together of four other football widows whose husbands are all watching the same football game, and assign each wife to follow one quarter of the game.  Text or call each other when the team scores, which should trigger you to send a quick hurrah cheer or “xoxo” text to your husband.  Your husband will be impressed!
4. Later, ask some questions about the football game experience.  The questions don’t need to be specific to the game, just general, such as “Did you have fun with the guys?”; “That’s great [fill in blank] won” or “Sorry [fill in blank] lost.”  You’ll likely just get responses in small sound bites (how men converse), but, be assured, they appreciate that you care about what’s important to them.
5. When your husband is home decompressing, occasionally give him a shoulder massage or back rub.  Watching all that football is exhausting, afterward.  He will love you all over again with your soothing affection.  But don’t act every time.  The element of surprise will make the stroking even more treasured.

Get Along Better provides you relationship tips with a twist of humor.  Want more?  4,000+ years’ worth of advice are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland.  An excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!