What does a man want most? Your first guess is wrong. IT’S NOT SEX! Think ABOVE the waist.
In today’s society, immense pressure is put on men. They’re not allowed to be seen crying. Why is it only women sob with grief at funerals? And only women cry tears of happiness at weddings?
Men are ingrained to be fearful of showing their emotions. They stuff their feelings way deep down. Don’t want to be thought of as a wimp. Or sissy. Or weak. Or unstable.
If you think women are objectified in the media, on TV and in the movies, to be skinny and gorgeous, pay attention to how men are treated. It’s equally sexually abusive, maybe even worse. Men have two choices: 1) either hunks and smoking hot, or 2) buffoons. In the movies, the stud gets the voluptuous babe. TV commercials often treat dads as buffoons, fools, clueless, a total putz. Take Viagra or Cialis, and you return to #1. Maybe this explains why the first instinctive answer to the question “What do men want most?” is “sex.”
Good guys will give the shirt off their back to anyone in need. But they do it quietly, not seeking any attention or recognition. Good husbands will drop everything in a heartbeat to come to the rescue of their spouse or partner. Good dads slave to juggle bringing home a decent paycheck and having energy to make their kids feel like a million bucks. Sex is nowhere in this picture.
What men want most is APPRECIATION. They feel validated by a simple “thank you” from those they help. They feel validated by the back rub their spouse or partner gives them after a hard day’s work. They feel validated by the hugs their children give them. They feel validated when they fix things and everyone raves over the outcome. They feel validated by the sound of laughter they triggered by creating fun for others.
A wife called me not too long ago to talk about problems going on between her and her hubbie. After some conversation, I asked her….
Sheryl: “What has your husband done lately that you ‘appreciated’?”
Wife: “He fixed our stove. One of the burners wasn’t working and he did the repair work. It works perfectly now.”
Sheryl: “Did you say to him something like ‘Thanks, Honey. You did a great job. I really appreciate it.’ And then give him a kiss on top of that?”
Wife: “No, it didn’t dawn on me. He just fixes everything. That’s what he always does.”
A few days later, the wife called me back……
Wife: “I told my husband how much I ‘appreciated’ him fixing the stove. His eyes lit up. It made him feel so good. I think he was stunned that I thanked him. I had no idea that it would have such an impact on him.”
Yes, men like great sex. And delicious food. And snazzy cars. And cool gizmos and gadgets. But one thing supercedes everything else: APPRECIATION.
Get Along Better provides you relationship tips with a twist of humor. Want more? 4,000+ years’ worth of advice are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland. An excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!
Get Along Better 