B-O-R-I-N-G. Every relationship gets boring. No matter how madly in love you are, one day it will happen.
In my interviews with long-married couples to write Everlasting Matrimony and through my own nearly-23 years of marriage, I’ve learned there are guaranteed ways to dig your way out of a relationship rut. Most people, myself included, want easy and fast solutions. Here are five:
1. Make a list of the things that annoy you about your mate. Turn the list on yourself.
Reasoning: Often the behaviors that bother us about our mate and make us feel we’re stuck in a relationship rut are a reflection of ourselves. When you change your behavior, by osmosis, your mate will change his/hers. The result is renewed energy in the relationship.
2. Do two things you’ve never done before, one alone and one together.
Reasoning: Relationships get stale when there’s nothing new happening. Doing something new provides fresh material. If it’s by yourself, you become a more interesting person to be with. If it’s together, then you’re adding a new dimension to the relationship.
3. Surprise your mate with something that’s creative and nonmaterialistic.
Reasoning: Simple personable things, like hiding a few lovey-dovey or funny greeting cards in places he/she will discover, putting mints on his/her pillow along with a hand-written note, or writing a message in the foggy bathroom mirror after showering, will make your mate feel special. Surprises like these can give a relationship a boost.
4. Don’t say “I’m sorry. Instead, act “I’m sorry.”
Reasoning: When you trace back to “How did we get into this rut?” sometimes the tailspin started when you got mad at each other and then stopped putting effort into the relationship. Put on your big-girl panties or big-boy briefs and act like an adult. Even if you can’t bring yourself to utter the words “I’m sorry,” you can act them. Go tickle your mate or flash a private body part. Initiate some laughter!
5. Jot down “fun things to do” as they come to mind.
Reasoning: As the days go by and you have conversations with your mate, one of you will say “We should do ‘xyz’ sometime.” But later on, when you try to remember what “xyz” was, neither of you can recall. The trick is, when ideas pop up, write them down in a designated spot, i.e., in your iphone notes, a particular computer file, a specific notepad. When you can’t think of anything to do, you can refer to your list. Now you have many things to look forward to doing together.
Get Along Better provides you relationship tips with a twist of humor. Want more? 4,000+ years’ worth of advice are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland. An excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!
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